Nobody plans to get tangled up with a dud. Most women wouldn’t say they want to date an abuser, a moocher, a terrible baby daddy or someone with self-esteem issues.
But we still end up with the losers.
Why? Most of us date without thinking. We end up with these types of men because of the way we date.
We do it "by default" which is accepting just about any man that asks us out. I know I did that for years. I just assumed since he asked me out that he must be who I was supposed to be with.
I've learned that's not true.
Dating doesn't have to be this way. Women have more control than we ever really realized.
Making a solid plan is the best way to avoid ending up with a bad man and in a dating disaster. This isn’t typical because we don't really think about dating as something that we can control --- we think of it as something that just happens.
Why not plan what mates we'll have?
After all, we plan everything else: meals, vacations, weddings, our workday, our kids’ schedules and lives.
You've got to have a plan to follow or you'll end up lost.
How many people travel to a place they've never been without using GPS, a map, or other directions? Not many.
Women can plan on doing better. And if you take action on your strategy, you can get a guy who is pretty close to what you want and avoid dating a guy who is an epic fail.
Consider making a checklist of the things you want in a man.
Since you know what you don't want, why not write down what you DO want, too? It's a long process, but not really hard. You've just got to know what to look at.
Here are some categories you should consider when writing your checklist:
What emotional personality traits do you want him to have?
Should he be honest? Patient? Respectful? Help old ladies across the street?
What other personality traits do you want him to have?
Should he be creative? Anything else?
What sexual attributes should he have?
Do you want him to already be experienced? How experienced? Would you prefer a virgin you can teach? Should he be into different position and activities, including more unorthodox stuff like swinging or BDSM?
How should he be set financially? Educationally?
Can he be just a blue-collar guy or does he need to be banked up? Come on, it's important you be honest. Speak now or forever hold your peace!
What are you looking for appearance-wise?
Short? Tall? Slim? Chunky? Muscular? Average? Hair color? Eye color?
What level of compatibility do you want?
Does he need to want kids because you do? Should he hate animals because you do? Or should he love cats? Dogs? Sugar gliders?
Should he have certain religious or spiritual beliefs?
Must he believe in a higher power? Can he be atheist or agnostic? Can he be more into New Age spirituality? How active in whatever spiritual realm must he be? Church weekly? Church every day? No church at all?
What should be his goals in life?
Is it okay if they are different from yours? Could they be less than yours? Should he be striving for the same level as you?
Even if you're currently dating, check the current applicant against your list.
Yes, I said applicant. After all, he’s basically vying for an important job: your husband and possibly the father of your children.
If he doesn't fit the characteristics you decided that you want, don't be afraid to move on. After all, if he isn’t appropriate for you, you don't fit him either. Doesn’t mean he’s a bad person, just “not a fit”, which is neutral – neither good nor bad.
And also don’t forget that your plan and checklist can grow and change. It will adjust and expand with you.
Making a change will enable you both to find a match and live the life you were meant to live.