Ladies. It's time we decide to live our lives as we need to, not as others want us to.
Don't let society crucify you if you change your mind about things it considers "forever". For instance, a break up or divorce.
Expecting perfection is unrealistic. Especially if you're expecting someone to find their perfect forever mate their first time. Statistics just dictate we'll make many mistakes before (if ever) finding the right person.
If a little girl is born today, she has to wait about 20 years to grow into an adult before she can even begin looking for a mate. Now, assuming the average lifespan of 70 years, she's only got about 50 left to make the right choice.
Now seeing as there are about 7 billion people on the planet and that roughly half are men, whats the chances she'll pick the right guy out of 3.5 billion right out of the gate?!
Very low. She'll probably make LOTS of mistakes.
Why criminalize her if she gets involved with one of these guys and make a "commitment" because she thinks he's the one, marries him, finds out who he REALLY is (or he changes), and then she needs to get out?
People change and grow in and out of stuff. That's okay. I mean where would parents be if children didn’t grow and change.
If you or your significant other grow out of your relationship that's okay. It’s your life and no one has the right to demonize you for your choices. What you do probably doesn't even affect them anyway.
I know a lady who was in a miserable marriage for more than 20 years. Her husband died recently and she has only now really began to live her life. Her religious beliefs had demanded she not divorce. As far as I am concerned, she has wasted many of her good years for no good reason.
Speaking of society wanting YOU to do something, ladies, please don't let the fact that you have the equipment force you into having children you don't want.
There are many men who want kids for the cuteness or ego boost or "I'm virile!" aspect, but remember from pregnancy on out...the work is all on YOUR end.
I love dogs. I love cats. I had the opportunity to get a pet and I chose a cat.
Know why? Because I know damn well I ain't gonna walk no dog come rain, snow, sleet or dead of night. So I probably wouldn't want the work that kids require and I'd be miserable if some guy coerced me into having kids I don't want.
Especially if he just wants the Kodak moments, and I get all the work.
There are no child compromises. Don't believe the hype that he'll all of a sudden help out when you can't even get him to empty the dishwasher now.
I know this doesn't mean ALL men. There are guys out there that really help out with children. However, usually they've shown that willingness to help everywhere else way before a kid comes into the picture.
That's what I mean by paying attention! Watch what he does, not what he says!
He might say he'll do it all... and he may for a day or two…maybe even a week, but the first time he gets tired he'll ask you to do it "one time" and find yourself still doing it 2 weeks later.
I call this Kindercreep. Don't fall for it because you'll end up really resentful.
And even for the ladies who want kids and are in happy relationships..be careful of the amount of kids you have.
Society says be "fruitful and multiply." Nichole says: "Woman, create what you can handle. ALONE."
Think ahead to if you had to care for this many kids by yourself and see how you feel about having that next one. Remember we can control this now.
He wouldn’t even have to leave for negative reasons like infidelity or anything. People die unexpectedly every day. If you can barely handle 5 kids when its the two of you with him fully participating, how are you going to do it alone?!
Please, please, please think ahead. You'll save so much heartache!
The concept of Detail Your Ideal Male is to take action on the stuff you see right in front of you. But if some things aren't there at first, you can't do anything about them, so don't beat yourself up about that.
However, use the information you do have to make as good a decision as the present allows you to. Just be sure to pay attention, so you know better and do better than you otherwise would.